Letters from George: Letter #2
Dear reader, feeling has begun to disgust me. There is a subtle joy in numbness that’s hard to quantify with words & wit for the human intellect to grasp. There is also a more dangerous side to it than most others under or innerstand. I look everywhere & I notice the distinct sign that everything is only of everything, & nothing is only of nothing. It is cosmic unification, the illusion of division is what most people perceive. They are truly the same & the differences we notice are purely fictitious. Amongst all those things, feelings exist in some way. Why?
Though everything may not have sensory organs, everything senses something in some form. Why wouldn’t it? Even better, why would it? Upon the creation of the cosmos do we feel as if the infinite mind would limit things based upon what we understand of them? If the sole reasoning of our existence is for us to be experiential beings, replicas of the infinite, then so isn’t everything else? Why would that capability be limited to solely us? Every piece of it, from what we can’t feel to what we can feel. I’ve come to appreciate what I can’t feel even more, whereas I used to criticize myself for the lack of feeling.
The deeper we dive into the realm of innerstanding, the higher we’re able to overstand, the better we’re able to understand, the more we get to peek behind the curtain of existence.
It first starts with wanting to peek, the urge itself is strong enough to shake loose your reality. Who dares to question what beckons in silence to be questioned? Surely not the roaming mind of an existential being! A living feeling that seeks to justify itself with every moment it breathes, walks, & talks. If we decide to not feel those feelings anymore then what do we become?
In my opinion, we become more observant, more aware, when we achieve an ability to turn on or shut off feeling. To me, this isn’t a painful numbness, but one of self-mastery. We reach states in our existence that push & pull our inner being, but have you ever been able to shut off whether you’re pushed or pulled? Better yet have you been able to shut off your response to the push & pull? It takes the ability to be cognizant of yourself & the stimuli, whether it is an external or internal one. To actively choose whether you will feel or not feel, this is where a different kind of power lives.
Numbness to me isn’t sheltering away from stimuli or hiding because the idea presents itself. It’s not allowing stimuli to stimulate because I choose so. I have the power to decide whether this will become a feeling or if it will pass by as something merely of my observance. The dangerous side to this is knowing you have this power to use at a moment's notice. Once you’re aware of this option you’ve given yourself, why would you seek to deal with trivial tasks such as experiencing petty feelings & emotions? Some would argue that it is to feel alive, that would drive us to do this. Wouldn’t life & death be siblings, beckoning for us to experience what they both have to offer? They don’t beckon that one be experienced more than the other, they want to share equally.
I choose to hold both of their hands & dance with an acute awareness of what they both offer. I need the experience, the experience needs me. Without one, there would be neither, with both we can experience all. I like some of what life offers in the form of what there is to feel. I also like what death offers, in the form of what I’m not able to feel. This is cosmic equilibrium, a divine union that I’ve come to see for everything it is. Why would I shun, or judge any piece of it with the foolishness humans would consider wisdom? The ones of true wisdom grow weary from the burden of it while knowing there really is no burden there. The foolish exalt what they believe to be their wisdom, with hearts light as feathers in the process. I myself, have become numb to it all.
Sincerely yours,
